okay so my whole life I have been surrounded by different groups of friends. yeah I've loved them all but it seems as if every single one of them have smaked me in the face at the end. They all end up moving on and leaving me for no real reason.
recently I just thought mabye its not all of my lost friends fault mabye its my fault. mabye some how after a long friendship I some how push them away without noticing. mabye that's it I have a case of the PUSH. if that's so there must be a cure, a solution to this. I need to stop pushing people away.
I actually do have a tendency to push people away. that's how I was raised ,push a problem to the side and deal with when it blows up in your face. but I'm gradually moving away from that way of life. I'm trying my best to deal with situations that are right in front of me and not push them away.
to motivate myself not to push away I remember the mistakes I made in the past: I once had a spontaneous friend Justine. she was like a legit friend, she actually understood me and didn't judge me. we were both fashionable , we both had the most obnoxious laughs and we both just always wanted to have a good time. I swear we were a friendship made in heaven :) I remember we stalked this hot kid that lived in our neighborhood and went to our school. zach jardim man he is fine lol but yeah we baked him cookies once too and told him he had a sexy face. sounds crazy right but with her it was just another normal thing we did... but one day in school she was crying all day and monika had told she was crying. so when we were getting on the bus I was going to sit and talk to her but she didn't even acknowledge me. I thought mabye because shes not feeling well she doesn't want to talk. work when I got home I hit her up on facebook and asked her what was wrong and if she was okay. she said nothing was wrong and she was fine. mind you at the same time she posted a status saying something about neediness someone to talk to and not being in a good mood or something like that. and I was like what the hell dude! after that day we never talked again. I don't understand how it happened. we used to be so close and did everything together. dude for her birthday she slept over my house and my mom took use out to dinner. I don't understand at all were it came from. but yeah I guess I could have tried to talk to her after that. but I decided to ignore the problem and I lost one of the coolest beautifulest fashionableist funnest bestest friend I have ever had :(
so keeping that in the back of my mind I try really hard not to push people and problems away because it always ends up bad.